Random Funnies 5

It's common knowledge that I want 2.5 Corgis and an apartment in the CBD (ie. Central Business District) of a mid-sized city in ANZ.

So Simple Dog Owner sent me this adorable picture a few months ago with the question: "So, when are you getting one of these?"




Note: I do not actually know the blogger linked to above, but our friend does indeed have a simple dog. She was originally supposed to be a hunting dog, but that ended badly when they started compiling a list of her fears. So far, the list includes such wonders as mushrooms, fluffy pink cat toys, and dead goats (but not live ones).


Simple dog is the one on the right - Helper Dog is on the left.

Random Funnies 4

One of the areas where ANZ is miles ahead of North America in terms of civil rights, is that when a reference to a romantic partner holds connotation of it being a same-sex lover. Kiwis (and presumably Aussies) routinely find that talking about their partners while travelling in North America often gets a look that means one of several things.

"Oh, I didn't know you played softball."

I *think* Jenny Fitch is married with a kid, but you know, stereotypes abound. But she's the only softball player I could name off the top of my head."


"Aren't you supposed to be wearing a mesh shirt and leather pants?"


Yes, I sucked it up and Googled "mesh shirt leather pants" - this was by far the least uncomfortable image that came up.


"Are you ALLOWED to be in a store that isn't the Home Depot?"



So anyway, my point is there's this connotation in North America when you talk about your partner, but in New Zealand it could mean your husband, wife, common law, fiance, boyfriend, girlfriend, or Rarotongan pool boy.

Apparently I've become somewhat acclimatised to New Zealand because I had a total brain fart when dealing with a client in his 70's.

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From: Delegarde, Dustin
Sent: Thursday, 8 December 2011 3:36 p.m.
To: KYLE; PG; SIMPLE DOG OWNER
Subject: Holy Awkward


Client: “Dustin - we finally meet! We’ve spoken on the phone, and I’ve met your partner.”

Dustin: “How did you meet Kyle?”

Client: “Umm, your audit partner – XXXX . . . But that's a very modern response”

AWKWARD TURTLE


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For more on the awkward turtle, see cute college kids explaining it here.

[Oh, DAMMIT. Youtube is now full of ridiculous videos of idiots trying to do an awkward turtle. There used to be a cute Asian kid showing you how to do it. Now it's just a bunch of nerdy high school students posting their entire lives to Youtube.]

Sorry, readers - you'll have to watch this instead.

Random Funnies 3

My boss is a bit of a technophobe, but he's slowly coming around. When I first joined the Group (because we're corporate, not a partnership), we were still doing manual audit files.

Type, print, sign off.
Type, print, sign off.
Type, print, sign off.
[this continued for all ~ 150 files it takes to complete an audit in 2012]

But that all changed when we implemented our new audit software in September 2011. One day I was playing through the menus and found this.


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From: Delegarde, Dustin
Sent: Friday, 9 December 2011 5:01 p.m.
To: KYLE
Subject: Audit Program

Has the following options under “Tools.”




It basically plays out like Dope Wars.

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It's common knowledge that I get outed at work on a weekly basis. It's the inevitable consequence of the fact that I've worn an engagement ring for five years, which clients find interesting, then moved to New Zealand for a relationship, which clients also find interesting.


This was my favourite image from the Google Image search "Out at Work" - from Analekta, an online classical music store.


Sometimes this is awkward (thinking back to my first ever audit engagement), but it's usually a bit of a fun aside. I lost track of how many of my clients have GLBTTIQ nephews and nieces, but the one of the consequences of this is that clients can sometimes over-share because I seem pretty non-judgmental.

See below for one such example.


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From: Delegarde, Dustin
Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 11:02 a.m.
To: K2B
Subject: Client relationships

Had an awesome client encounter yesterday.

After catching up since last year, I had her tell me all about her upcoming 3-week trip to Melbourne. Her son’s is getting married, she’s going to hang out with the grandkids, go to some nice restaurants and will probably end up getting a little botox.

I had to resist the temptation to high five her for owning it, and being awesome.

Random Funnies

I'm being a bit lazy, but wanted to get *something* up on the blog for Easter. So I went through the Sent Items folder in my work email this week, and sorted by "Sent to KBB." Because usually this stuff is golden.

Some of you may recall that I once sprained a finger writing an accounting exam (damn you COMM 112).


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From: Delegarde, Dustin
Sent: Monday, 26 September 2011 1:50 p.m.
To: 'K2B'
Subject: Worst Injury Ever

In a new challenger for the Worst Injury Ever, my abs are hurting.

Not because I went to the gym.
Not because I was doing situps at home.
But because I went to karaoke on Saturday night.

Screw you, Christina Aguilera.